If you are reading this it is either random chance or you know me or want to know me better.

Recently I was forcibly reminded how each person can look at the same incident and filter it thru completely different perceptions and using their own 'dictionary' come up with entirely radically different conclusions.  Case in point - the other day I was upset - I'd just gotten off the phone with my mother who pointed out all of my 'lacks' and her continuing dissappointment with me, but Thomas - who pulled out the guilty and pity cards and weilds them like weapons of my distruction.  I walk out to the porch - where 'the man' and one of his best friends 'R" are sitting having a beer.  Now earlier 'the man' introduced me to "R' as his 'old lady' and I'm feeling really good about our relationship and where its going....but remember I am upset...and at the look on 'the man's' face I say "I'm f**king upset sweetheart." and I throw my cell phone behind me thru the open door into the kitchen. 

 

'The man' looks at me and says "Watch your 'f**king' mouth, what have I told you about that?' 

 

Ok...now I KNOW that 'the man' thinks of me as a lady and in his book ladies do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES use the 'f' word.  NEVER.  Well I don't focus on that....I focus on something else hes told me repeatedly "I don't like all that lovey dovey stuff" and our relationship for a host of reasons is a well kept secret in certain circles...and THAT is what I focus on.....

 

And I fire back, "I call all the men hun, baby, sweetheart, you're nothing special!" and I stalk off...pissed and hurt beyond belief...because I've just had the plug pulled out and I think I've just been negated to nothing in front of his friend on our back porch.  I'm so upset that I focus on nothing else all day...even call 2 people dear to me and inadvertaintly upset them....(THANK you both BTW! and yes, later I call and eat humble pie and crow with salsa). 

 

That day just happens to be 'the man's' birthday - and I tell myself that no matter my feelings, I'm not gonna let him see how easily and how much he can hurt me...but this is a man who can read my eyes, and I can't and won't lie to him.  At work I take him a birthday steak...fixed just how he likes it..and he looks into my eyes and says, "thank you darlin'' and I almost lose it there....but I say, "Happy Birthday V" and I go back and I finish my shift.  Later that night after work, (we've taken to sitting after work and sharing a beer unwinding and talking about our days) 'the man' says..."Did I hurt you or say something somehow?" and it hits me like a ton of bricks that 'the man' hasn't a clue...not one shred of a hint what happened that morning - how it felt or how I interpreted it.  We talk about it...and I realize that his focus was on my using the 'f' word, that I embarrased him and shocked "R" by using it...because ladies don't.  He understands my interpretation...and he's shocked....because earlier before "R" got there he'd held me in his arms and called me 'love' (and that's why it hurt even more). 

While I understand the reasons why our relationship is kept a 'secret' in certain circles and its something we've both agreed on and it benefits us both for the time being - it don't make it easy neither. 

 

Point of this being - we are both learning how the other one thinks and feels and interprets...and this is to my Daughter Tina - I don't know the rationale behind Corey's actions hun.  There are times in a man's and a woman's life where what they need is to feel sexy and desireable to another individual other than their mate.   While it's referred to as the 7 year itch...I can assure you that it happens before 7 years and often several times...such as when someone turns 30 or 50.  Its an ego boost to know that you are still 'wanted' by others...but just because he's drooling over baked Alaska...don't mean that he wants to give up or jeopardize the 8 course meal he has at home.  So yes...wait and see...and if he outsteps the bounds of the relationship the 2 of you have...THEN pull him up by the short hairs.....and make diced dog meat.

 

I love you very much hun...but I'm learning here myself how easy it is to screw up a good thing....so just make sure its' for the right reasons...and not a misunderstanding....that you and Corey are using the same dictionary.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't compare yourself with other people. Everyone is different and moves at his or her own pace. Remember that true improvements are made and noted inwardly, not via status symbols or social gain.