For some of you this may or may not strike a chord and maybe a rather lengthy entry.  I know that I have lived other places and other times.  I've been blessed in this life with an abundance of reconnecting  with several of those I've known and loved in some of those past lives.  In particular one who was to me my Best Beloved.  We were fortunate in that life to do, say and love to full measure to the point where anything in this life would be a footnote.  I know it, he knows it.  We'd end up tearing each other apart just for shits and giggles if we tried it. And in this lifetime he has done much to rectify and make amends for much of what he was unable to do in the last life we shared.  For that I honor him.  He is one of the few men I trust without reservation.  A man who I trust with the lives of my daughters.  In that past life we shared I was his second love.  Before me he had a wife who died giving birth to their son.  She was his first and his truest love.  In this life they have found each other and I could not be happier for them.  She is a very great lady and a dear sister.  I wi ll say honestly that when he told me about her I had some inner demons to wrestle down.  She did as well but we were able to work past that.  She knows that I am no threat to their relationship and I am humbled and blessed by her understanding.  So I understand about meeting a former lover or 'soul mate' from another time in the present lifetime.

The reason I mention this is that 'the man' is thrashing this issue himself.  He believes that N (the other woman) was his wife in a past life.  That he rode off to battle and died.  That as a result of this, she never remarried or loved another.  That this is the reason that they are having issues now.  That all of the shit she puts him thru is some sort of attonement - a test if you will and that he 'deserves' it. 

My sister told him that what one person was in a past life is not who they are now.  And I concur.  While part of me is still Kathryne Lady of Shadows, so I am more than that.  My Best Beloved is more than just Lord C, he is also A.  I am a kalidescope of my past lives and this life...a mosaic of parts, a quilt of a woman.  So is 'the man' but he's yet to realize this.  She is more than just his Wind Dancer.  He is more than just Littlehawk.  But this is a realization he must come to in his own time and cannot be forced, neither by me, by sister or any other person or it will not be a true realization.  And I care too much for it to be anything less than honest and real for him....even if he chooses to be tormented by her the rest of his days it wil l be a decision that I will have to deal with.  I hope I can do it with grace, with class and with acceptance.

Its not an easy thing to be the 'second' lady in any man's life.  I knew this going in.  It seems a true-ism that good men end up with women who don't treat them right and vise versa.  For those who may take issue with 'the man' because of my words remember this.  IT WAS MY CHOICE.  I went into this relationship with my eyes wide open and we both know its going to take time.  It's perhaps the greatest gift I can give him...the gift of time and a tranquil place of peace to have it.  Regardless of what the future may hold I wouldn't have missed knowing him.