I Don't Want To Live

I don't want to live

Like this with you any more.

Claws out - bloody tears

Sideswiped at every opportunity.

Tension sliceable, spreadable,

Gut twisting - waiting for the next opening.

Silent armed camps we stand justified

Each hedged about with old mistrust.

Every look either wounds

Or opens a still festering scar.

Even our very breathing is barbed and edged

Sleeping enemies under the sheets.

We've come to count and hoard

Each precious wrong to our breasts

Real or imaginary it matters naught.

We wear our crowns of thorns

Like trophy badges at our belts

Earned in some foreign war.

Silent scream inside my head

Bubbling wellspring to my throat

Drowns unborn by oath of guilt

Once-made vows hide not the truth

Welded wedded trapped we be.

And no matter what I say or do

The truth to the bones of me I know

I don't want to live

With you

Like this.