It’s a strange feeling, so much to say and where does one start and yet – my thots and emotions keep swirling like fog – refusing to coalesce into any form long enough to be captured into words.  Fragmented like so many different colored tiles all jumbled together – there is a pattern for the mosaic but its long since gone – existing now only in memory like a tease – laughing at you from the fringes and yet so hauntingly familiar you know you know it but just as you think you have it – it dances off like a willow-the-wisp.

Perhaps a recounting of the events will help…perhaps not.

Thanksgiving was relatively quiet.  I baked a turkey, stuffing, mushroom gravy, mashed garlic potatoes, steamed broccoli – red peppers – onions and tossed them with garlic and water chestnuts in olive oil, homemade cranberry sauce, shrimp salad, baked 2 pecan pies and since I have ALWAYS hated pumpkin pie – made a pumpkin cheesecake instead with candied ginger on top.  Baked the traditional bread that Nana used to make – and even made the family clam dip and spinach dip recipes.  Invited a few friends to drop by.  Turned the leftovers that didn’t go home with friends into turkey enchiladas and the carcass into turkey soup and froze it all.  Any turkey left in my house after 2 days is subject to being rendered into something else – not to re-appear until at least January.  Friends did drop by – I was pleased but also glad when they left – an odd feeling not to enjoy entertaining as much as I used to – I’m sure the future events are colorizing my current relationships – knowing that I will be saying farewell to many of them in March I’ve begun to distance myself in subtle ways – putting up barriers now so it won’t be so hard, hurt so much later on.

I called a dear friend to wish him happy birthday on Saturday and got voice mail.  Happy Birthday Angel!

My brother Steve left for Germany and got there safely – thank the Goddess!  I know you miss him terribly sister dear, and I will give you a call later.  I hold you close to my heart and if you need me just lean on me.

Friday night was the opening of my first jewelry show and the actual show and sale was Saturday.  I was one of the featured artists out of 35 other students who were asked to exhibit – which is quite a complement considering that most of the students exhibiting had been doing it for 4 years or longer and I’ve only been doing it for 7 months.  I sold 3 pieces and made money – oddly enough 2 of the pieces were ones I disliked  - a pendant and a bracelet.  They were both more ‘mainstream’ and conventional and I guess that’s why I didn’t care for them so much.  I took photos of my pieces and will be putting them up so those who are interested can view them.  They are made out of PMC which is Precious Metal Clay – silver clay which is mixed with a binder and a cellulose material developed in Japan.  You can mold it, carve it, stamp images into it, sand it  – basically treat it like any other clay.  When fired it becomes 99.9% pure silver and a third size smaller – so any parts such as a bottle and lid must fit exactly prior to firing.  If you don’t like a piece you can reconstitute it just like any other clay and start over.  It’s a unique medium and I’m enjoying working with it. 

I spent most of Sunday doing gardening chores – raking the leaves and winterizing the yard – putting away lawn furniture and cushions, emptying and putting away plant saucers so they wouldn’t crack from the frost.  You know its fall out here when you’ve just finished raking and there are more leaves on the ground after you’ve raked…LOL.  Turned the compost pile and pruned the last of the rosebushes.  Pulled up the last of the blackened (from the frost) tomatoes and peppers.  Planted out more onions, peas, broccoli, garlic…whether I eat them or not still I can’t leave bare dirt – just goes against the grain I guess.  I’ve still tons of seeds to finish putting into envelopes and label, herbs to finish stripping and bagging.  There’s so much to do and I’ve still got so much more ahead.  Winter has seeped into my bones, my head – I want to hibernate and not have to deal with the paring away of a life here.  Not have to go thru the stuff in the garage – unpack and repack just my things that I’m taking.  I put if off for a very long time – too long and yet it was my choice to do so.  I did think that things would change – they haven’t or perhaps I changed – who knows?  And truly it isn’t important any longer, not even to me and maybe that’s the thing that bothers me the most – that lies at the edge of my consciousness just out of reach – the fact that I don’t care – that it’s just the waiting until it’s over – until its time.  Right now all I can do is just bite my lip – wait – and then do it when the time comes.  Patience was never my strongest suit but since these are the last holidays I will have in California – I figure that the New Year is time enough for new beginnings.