I must have missed the unwritten law somewhere that that states that relationships can only be between one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others.  That all other relationships must come second to that one.  That a woman cannot have more than one man that she loves in her life even if she loves those men differently – as lovers, friends, brothers, or that a woman cannot love another woman as her sister or daughter and that relationship comes before the one she may share with her life partner.  Where is it written  that any one person for that matter – is supposed to be the be all and end all in any relationship – to fulfill each need any individual has – love, sex, companionship, friendship, conversation, intellectual stimulation, creativity – every facet of every need for one person to the exclusion of all others?   How does caring for someone translate into disloyalty or betrayal of another relationship?   As a parent loves all of their children but each differently – so it is with other relationships.  Sometimes even those who love us the most are the ones that (at the moment) we can’t relate to the most – we need someone else either a friend or even an impartial individual to use as a reality check, a soundboard, a shoulder to cry on.  It makes us better adjusted people, better friends, better parents, better lovers, better children and mates.   Sometimes those you love are just too close to the issue – if not part of the issue itself.   No one person should ever be the center and totality of your life – which is not to say that loving someone with your heart and soul is a bad thing – but it should also be balanced – even a jewel sparkles more when it is faceted – just as people do.  Love isn’t diminished when it is shared with many – it isn’t like money that can be totally spent or horded.  Love is like fertilizer – spread it around and watch things grow.  

To hold on to someone tighter and tighter until you strangle what there was originally because you are afraid you are going to lose that person is one way of ending a relationship.  To interrogate them – to pry and dig into their psyche is like prying off the shell of a crab – it dies and you still are no closer to understanding its feelings or motivations.  To do so presupposes that you don’t fully trust the person you profess to care about – neither their judgment, their feelings, their integrity, their honor, their privacy.  In such a climate it is difficult for any mutually respectful, trusting relationship to grow – let alone exist for very long.  If you have to police or chain or threaten someone to be with you - what is the point?  They will only fight to be free and end up hating you in the doing of it. 

Someone asked me why I don’t always put my feelings about things on my blog for all to see.  Do any of us publicly hang out our guts, our deepest, darkest, inmost secrets so everyone can see them?  I doubt it.  I tend to be a logical careful person – private by nature.  It’s difficult enough for me to speak of things that happen, my thots about them – let alone my feelings.  Those who know me best often don’t need to be told – they can feel it and extrapolate from what they feel, my emotional states.  Sometimes my own feelings need to be experience in their full range by me in the cold light of day before I can articulate them to someone else.  Sometimes that takes a very long time – particularly if the experience was painful such as the loss of a child or abuse.  My feelings about those topics have ranged over the years from rage to despair to cold logic to fatalism to making excuses for both myself and the individuals responsible to accepting my own share of responsibility in events and back again.   Perhaps as a direct result I tend to shy away when people use words like ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘forever’.  It keeps you from being disappointed when you realize that it was only true when they said it – that afterwards its only hollow words.  

I’ve been blessed by knowing and having in my life exceptional people.  To each of them I say thank you for being whom and what you are.  I will remember you fondly - always.