I’ve been turning over Xmas Eve in my mind and finally decided to post a capsulated version of it.  About a week before my Aunt (who is 7 years older than I am and is my mother’s baby sister) sent me an email asking if I was coming to their house on Xmas Eve.  My 2 aunts trade off having it at their houses since Nana passed away.  Xmas Day was usually reserved for immediate family – I used to have mine at my house for those of my family who are Xtian as a sort of extended Yule - but for the last 2 years everyone has been on their own for reasons I wont’ go into here.  Since this will be my last Xmas in California (a fact which I’ve not informed the rest of the family of as of yet), I decided that I would indeed visit.  It means a drive of 100 miles each way – eat, open presents, and another drive of 100 miles the same day.  The possibility of accepting my Mother’s hospitality is a remote one at best and equates up there with having a root canal done.

I arrive – early and help set up the food, the tables.  My Aunt spend some bonding time – so far so good – until I ask the question – “So – who all is coming?”  Sounds innocuous enough doesn’t it?  What a flood of unsolicited information I get in return.  Seems that half of the family is not talking to the other half.  While this in itself is not unusual as my family is all strong individuals with widely differing opinions and lifestyles – we usually put our differences on hold for the holidays.  Apparently not these holidays.

• Ray won’t be there because he and Joan (Carol’s youngest daughter) have separated – she’s fed up with his having girlfriends.  Good for her, no great loss and about time – only took her 4 years. 
• Stacee and Kevin won’t be there because she claims they don’t have enough money to come but she’s obviously stoned out of her mind when she calls and we know that drugs aren’t free so don’t tell me she doesn’t have money.  Okay – no great loss there but I will miss the twins Raislynn and Ashley.  That means that since Stacee won’t be there that Sandy and John will be right?  Yup.  Okay – so the Baptists will be represented…..l pour a nice glass of wine and prepare myself for the ‘Jesus is the reason for the season’ crowd.  [What about Karen – Joan’s sister?  Oh yes and could I make sure that the 2 of them don’t fight.  Um….ok….I’ll give refereeing a shot – does hazard pay come with that?
• And what about the rest of the cousins?  Barbara, Stan and David won’t be there – they and their children have all gone to Aunt Ercillia’s and knowing how ill she’s been I’m glad that they’ve chosen to spend their Yule with her – even tho I had hoped to see Barb (my favorite-ist cousin of all).    
• I take a deep breath after I hear that Joyce and Bob will be there (the Methodist contingent) – and Carol tells me that since Krissy will be coming that Dianne won’t.  I make the mistake of saying…’why’?  Now I get the crux of the family current split.  Krissy’s husband (my cousin James and Dianne and Patti’s brother) died this year under circumstances which have never been sufficiently explained.  The autopsy was inconclusive as the body was so badly decomposed.  Dianne is convinced that Krissy’s spending drove James to commit suicide.  While it’s true that they lived way beyond their means I don’t believe that James would take his own life.  He’d been thru cancer, divorce, paid all of his first wife’s’ bills and then some so that’s a stretch.  Then Carol tells me that there was another man and Krissy was planning on leaving him and taking the kids with her.  Okay – I know he worshiped the ground they walked on – but I can’t seem to believe it – particularly since no one seems to know for sure if there was another man.  Bottom line being – if Krissy is there – Dianne and her family won’t be.  If Dianne is there – Krissy and the kids won’t be. 
• Patti and her girls are another story – Patti is still recovering it seems from the shock of becoming a grandmother by her youngest daughter…..out of wedlock and by a man who is…shhhhhh colored.  I ask what color is he?  Carol tells me that he’s ‘one of those’.  Later I find out that colored = Asian.  The hysterically funny part about this is that Carol married what her mother considered ‘colored’ – Sicilian Italian, Dianne’s first husband was black, Holly’s husband was Hispanic, Joan’s husband was Pilipino so ‘colored’ shouldn’t really be an issue.  I almost giggle at the cosmic joke here but I manage to keep a straight face.
• Carla and her new husband Joe are coming.  I’ve not really had the opportunity to speak with Joe and while he seems pleasant enough he lacks what my Nana referred to as ‘sand’ (a necessary ingredient for success in any man or woman who marries into the family).  The opposite of sand = doormat.  I tell myself that he’s just being ‘quiet’.  Carol snorts and says that he’s not quiet he’s got all the personality of a wet spaghetti noodle so he must be good in the tool department.  I drink more wine to keep from going there – the mental retort is more than I can handle.
• Robert won’t be there – he and Nyla have just finished building their log cabin in Idaho and can’t afford it but I’m glad to hear that they are no longer roughing it in a converted school bus.  The boys Forrest and Caleb are well from all accounts although Caleb still has ‘issues’.  I look at Carol – the boy will always have issues as long as others make it so – vertically challenged in a family where most of the members including the women are 5 foot 10 or more.  Caleb is destined to be like me, taking after the Patton’s - Nana’s side of the family and may never be over 5 ft tall.

Having exhausted the cousins I work my way up slowly towards my own immediate family.    

• Aaron won’t attend because I am there – he’s made some excuse up and that’s ok.   He also agrees with Dianne that James’s death is Krissy’s fault – had to be a woman at the bottom of it  – right?  His eldest Michael is spending Yule with his son Davin and Davin’s mother Jennifer – seems he’s trying to get back in her good graces which ultimately means she’ll wind up getting pregnant again (Carol speaking).   I respond bluntly – here I am on solid ground - that Jennifer is a sweet girl and she loves him but she’s not seeing him with clear eyes.   He’s still learning that actions have consequences and responsibilities but that doesn’t yet translate into keeping his pants zipped.   *sigh.  His brother David will be working – A&W  is open.   Tessa will be there and I can’t wait to see her again.
• Sean has to work so Megan won’t be there.   That too is probably for the best but I will miss seeing her.
• Patrick will be there along with Julie and Ryan.  Royce won’t be there he’s off on some religious retreat and oh by the way he’s engaged to some girl that reminds Carol of a cow – sweet, placid and dumb – also of the same religious persuasion.  All news to me but oh well.  Seems the boy wants to be a minister after all.  Mother will be there.

Al and his son Chance drop in.  Hadn’t seen Al in over 20 years and I was saddened to hear that he and Evie split and to see how wild Chance has become due to his parent’s divorce.  They each spoil him trying to equate that with love.  The child is 8 and has no manners, nor does he listen to an adult.  It’s easy to see that this will be a pattern difficult to reverse and will have re-percussions later in life.  I hope Al learns to discipline his son for Chance’s sake.  Right now he’s hurting too much to see the effect of any action.

Ultimately there is plenty of food.  Everyone who said they would come did.  Those who said they would not didn’t.  No one fought, no one got drunk.  The kids opened their presents and played nicely.  I left gifts for the kids who didn’t come with Patrick and with Joyce.  I was glad I went and yet saying ‘goodbyes’ held more of a sense of finality then any year before.  I know that it will be a very long time, if ever, that I see some of these people again.  So there is a touch of grief and yet – a chapter is closing and a new one beginning.

Other odd note – best gift I received was from my brother Patrick.  A Xmas Tree music box that plays O Tannenbaum and opens up to reveal a smaller tree with a train that goes around the tree as the music plays.  He said it reminded him of one Xmas when we were kids…..I didn’t tell him but I remember that one too and I always will.  It was the Xmas after Father died – the boys got one gift – a second hand train.  Last I knew, Patrick kept the caboose on his bedroom dresser. I guess it was his way of reminding me that no matter what may happen to us in life – we share a common beginning and experiences.  We are still family.

For those interested - Yule pics - http://photobucket.com/albums/c386/moonstonegl/Yule%202005/